Sometimes I’m hit by this truth harder than others. We are all going through it. It oddly brings me some comfort knowing this. We are all going through it.
I wrestle with how much I show up and share here, treating this place like a public forum for my innermost thoughts. I think writing personal essays of this sort can quickly take a turn towards oversharing. It can feel like an online journal, which I guess, for better or worse, it is. Stunningly enough, I keep showing up. And the more vulnerable I am, the more it resonates with the person (you) reading. And that is reason enough to keep sharing.
Whenever I catch myself spiraling into self-doubt or worse, self-deprecation, I’m reminded of all the times that someone sharing the raw, unfiltered truth of their emotional experience was like a lighthouse. A lighthouse guiding me out of my own dark, helping me find my way home.
So here, I offer you a lighthouse. A window into my world. And maybe, it will give new light to whatever is going on in yours.
The past few weeks have been strange. Collectively, it’s hard to not feel the grief of witnessing a genocide. It’s unrelenting sometimes, or at least it can feel that way.
Personally, I’ve felt like nothing has been wrong, but things haven’t felt totally right either. I feel a bit disjointed and out of place. How can you feel out of place inside of your own life? It’s a strange feeling. It’s the end of the year, and of course with that, comes the measuring of expectations against the reality of what happened in this year. Expectations are a funny thing. I’m exploring the idea of doing away with them entirely, which is easier said than done of course.
There are things that I am looking forward to, it always helps me to remember those;
hugging my mom
driving along the pacific coast highway with the windows down
catching up with family and friends
finishing my current read
2024 vision boarding
listening to my Spotify wrapped playlist on repeat
In these moments, I remind myself that the heaviness will lift, the murkiness will become crystal clear. I know this because I watch winter give way to spring, and spring turn to summer. Everything is constantly in motion. Emotions rise and then they fall, they come and swiftly leave. I used to fall into the trap of naming and analyzing and making meaning out of everything all the time. More and more, I find myself immersed in the practice of leaving myself be. It is what it is what it is what it is. The lessons still arrive, but with less force.
So yes, we are all going through it. In more ways than we could ever possibly know.
What’s true for you right now? Write it down for yourself, share it with a friend, or share it with me. Allow yourself to be witnessed. It’s liberating.
Sending you love and care and gentleness.
xx, Asha Nia
So liberating!!! Thank YOU for sharing so vulnerably here. It’s when we do so, that we give others permission to do the same! And I can’t wait for that hug as well!!!! I love you!