What is a reframe? A reframe offers us an opportunity to approach the situation from a different point of view, to look at it with a “beginner’s mind” – a fresh perspective. It allows us to consider the lesson or the blessing that is present, because there is always one, or both. Often clouded by our own set of expectations or preferences towards the circumstance, reframing allows us to see it more clearly, or at the very least, to pay closer attention.
Sometimes I arrive at the reframe on my own, but more often than not, the reframe comes from outside of myself, from books, teachers, conversations with friends, or a kind stranger.
I’ll give you an example. For those of you that don’t know, Los Angeles has been experiencing an extraordinary amount of rain. 2023 opened with a crescendo of thunder, lightning and torrential downpour. In the months following, we’ve received several storms leading to city wide blackouts, flooding, and potholes, lots of potholes.
I won't go so far as to say that I’ve been seasonally depressed, but I’ve definitely been experiencing the winter blues. The affects of spending more time indoors, less time socializing with friends, and less hours of sunlight. Feeling particularly dismayed one day, as I was caught out in what felt like the umpteenth wet and rainy day, I walked into my neighborhood cafe to pick up a warm beverage. On my way out, a woman held open the door for me and said “I hope you’re enjoying the weather. It’s beautiful out, isn’t it?”, while gazing out at the rainfall. At that moment, I looked out with the reframed perspective she lent me – it is beautiful.
The raindrops collecting against the windowsill. The current of water gathering in the space where the road meets the sidewalk, rushing home. The melodic pitter patter. The crispness of the air.
For as long as I can remember, in this city that I’ve called home for over 25 years, we’ve struggled with drought. It is an incredible blessing to be receiving all this water. On a clear day, everywhere you look there is lush green where there was once dry, sparse remains from wildfire season. The wildflowers are blooming early. The rivers and creeks are restored. I’m incredibly grateful for that woman and the divine timing of our interaction. I needed that reframe. I was able to enjoy the rest of my day. My eyes were fixed on the blessing.
Reframes are powerful reimaginings of our experiences.
I’ve been inspired to share some of the recent reframes that I’ve been learning and integrating in my life. I hope I can offer you what that woman offered me – a reimagining.
FEELING NERVOUS
This one has been a recurring teaching that I’ve come across within the past few weeks and months. Both in conversations with friends, and in Brené Brown’s latest book, Atlas of the Heart – reframing what it means to feel nervous. In her book, Brown groups excitement in the same family of emotions as stress, overwhelm and anxiety in the chapter titled “The Places We Go When Things Are Uncertain or Too Much”. I’m halfway through the audiobook, it’s a powerful listen.
The differentiating factor between the way we name the feelings of nervousness and excitement is — the narrative we tell ourselves. Physiologically, our body responds the same to both emotions, and produces the same sensations. Our heart rate picks up, we start to anticipate the future, and our palms get sweaty or prickly.
Lately, when these sensations present themselves, usually when trying something new, or for the first time, I channel this energy and reframe it as excitement. Excitement acknowledges the growth potential, and fuels the belief that I am capable of moving through the situation that lies in front of me.
Say this to yourself the next time you start to feel those sensations, “I’m feeling excited”. Reframe the narrative and notice the difference.
[Watch this two minute clip on how athletes apply this practice to overcome performance anxiety]
BUILDING DISCIPLINE
For those that follow the patterns of the sky and stars, you may know that on March 7, Saturn, the planet of rules, responsibility and determination recently moved into Pisces. Astrology skeptics, bear with me. Saturn moves signs every three years. This transit is significant because Saturn has been in Aquarius and Capricorn for the last six years, the two signs that it rules. Meaning that it’s lessons and growing pains have been particularly harsh, since it’s been in the two signs that it’s the most comfortable.
“Since March 2020, Saturn’s been moving through revolutionary, innovative, and futuristic Aquarius. As an air sign, Aquarius is associated with humanity, collective experiences, and society at large — and look around. Saturn’s influence has been remarkable. Saturn in Aquarius has challenged systemic structures, exposed inequities, and opened our eyes to a brighter (and sometimes bleaker) tomorrow.”
- Aliza Kelly, astrologer
Pisces, the planet associated with dreams and creativity, will give Saturn’s lessons a gentler, softer touch. I love the synchronicity here. This astrology is affirming what feels like a collective shift towards softening – more on this in an upcoming letter.
I think and write a lot about embracing ease. I’ve been starting to reject the narrative that in order to reach my goals and manifest my dreams I have to exert an unsustainable amount of effort. I trust that what is meant for me, will find me, as long as I take daily aligned action towards the life that I desire.
Which is not to say that building towards any goal doesn’t require work – it does. It’s been helpful for me to reframe discipline, accountability, and consistency as kindness, an extension of my care practice. I am feeding my spirit by showing up everyday as the fullest expression of myself, even when it feels uncomfortable. By following through on the commitments I make to myself, I’m building my trust muscle. Tangibly, this looks like waking up to workout when I say I’m going to, committing to my writing and creative practice, growing my teaching practice, having the hard conversations, launching projects before I feel “ready” because “ready” never comes.
Effort and ease can co-exist. The Sanskrit translations are sthira (meaning; stability, intent, and strength) and sukha (comfort, ease, openness). The two go hand in hand, they are in direct relationship. Balancing the two is a lifelong pursuit and a daily practice. There are days to push and days to rest. There is wisdom in knowing the difference.
I’m becoming familiar with the discomfort that discipline brings. It challenges and buoys me towards my potential. Even, especially, when I’m not feeling up to it, when I want to hit snooze, when I want to slip back into old habits.
CULTIVATING COURAGE
I used to think that courage finds you. That you happen upon it. Turns out, the opposite is true.
Courage is alchemized. It takes doing. A series of courageous choices lead to a courageous life. These choices range from the everyday small ones – that end up not being so small – to the big ones. Like telling someone you love them for the first time, or changing careers, or trying something new.
A mantra I’ve been loving in support of this:
“I am safe to be seen trying.”
So much of our lives are lived in fear. Fear of how we will be perceived. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of failure. Courage is the voice that says – do it anyway.
PROCESSING IN REAL TIME
We’re a few Sundays deep into this thing. I’ve loved hearing how these letters are resonating with you. It’s wild to witness this idea of mine bloom. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
I’m introducing a new section at the end here that I’m going to call “processing in real time” to share less polished reflections on life lately. So much of what I share are experiences that I’ve had time to process, package up the lesson, and tie with a pretty bow. I’m learning to appreciate the value of allowing yourself to be seen inside of the processing, instead of only sharing once you’ve made it to the other side.
It feels as if life has been laying into me lately. Between navigating a career pivot and resurfacing emotional wounds that need tending to — I am being tested. But what is a test? An opportunity to get to know yourself deeper. To heal what’s coming up to be healed. To deepen your trust.
While crying to her about life’s turbulence, my mom said to me, “Ash, you have to thank God for everything, even when it doesn’t make sense.” Now trust me, that was the last thing I wanted to hear in the moment. I’m pretty sure I rolled my eyes at her on the other end of the phone. But the annoying truth about maternal wisdom is, she’s always right.
So, that’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Thanking God for the hardship, the uncertainty, the doubt, and everything in between. Counting it all joy.
I know I’m not alone. So many of my nearest and dearest are walking through similar seasons. I have to believe that we are all undergoing individual and collective transformation. Coming up against our growth edges, being ushered into new chapters, new stories, new versions.
Blooming. Becoming.
There is good news. Longer, brighter, sunnier days lie ahead. Spring is beckoning. Offering us an opportunity to utilize the energy stored during winter to blossom into new beginnings.
What’s surfacing for you? What keeps showing up in your life? Can you ask yourself – how could this be happening FOR me, instead of TO me? How can I be present with what life is teaching me in this season?
Some questions to journal about, meditate on, or contemplate with a friend.
That’s all for now, friends. I hope you are taking care of yourself.
💋 Asha Nia
I was a few weeks behind and this was such a good read to start my week. Feeling grateful ❤️